Could vs Should: A Practical Mind Hack for Motivation and Reducing Pressure
I always get a little concerned when an athlete tells me they should win their next event, or when someone in business tells me that they should be able to do a great pitch at the next meeting.
It sounds like they are confident, so why do I ask my clients to choose their words more carefully?
It’s all linked to expectations. Adding expectations to events creates added pressure.
That pressure comes from one word – should.
The Difference Between “Should” and “Could”
Should is something we say to ourselves (or to others) when we think there’s something we need to change about our lives, our bodies, our minds, etc. For example, “I should eat better.” It’s usually putting an expectation on ourselves to make a big change and can feel so overwhelming that we either let the thought go because it’s too much, or we just feel bad that we don’t do more to make that major change.
The word “should” often leaves us feeling defeated before we even start, because there’s nothing concrete to do about “should” – it’s a statement of what should be. Consider this – how do you feel when someone says, “you should just cut out sugar,” or “you should just get a new job?” Don’t you think you would have done it already if it were that easy?
“Should” is a statement that is sometimes shaped by external factors, such as how we think others see us and where we need to change to please them, but they usually come from thinking we’re not enough.
Any time there’s a should, if you don’t meet it, you’ll feel guilt, perfectionism and procrastination.
Changing Should to Could – The Mind Hack
Instead of thinking to yourself:
- “I should be more confident”
- “I should win this event or contract”
- “I should be happy”
Replace should with the word “could”. Changing one word can change everything. “Could” allows us to see possibilities without pressure. It also keeps us focused on the small habits that will bring us the success we want.
- “I could be more confident, if I do X”
- “I could win this event or contract when I do Y”
- “I could be happy but I know I need to get through some difficult things now”
The Week Ahead: One Change
Over the next week, take notice when you begin to put pressure on yourself by feeling you SHOULD instead of COULD.
Replace should with could to reduce expectations and open yourself to new possibilities and stay focused on what you need to do to succeed.
Alan Heary – Performance and Mindset Coach
Are you an entrepreneur, manager, or athlete looking to elevate your performance? My background training Olympic athletes, working alongside world champion boxers, and competing in extreme endurance events has given me unique insights into mental toughness. I believe these skills are transferable and essential for success in all areas of life.
I help people like you achieve peak performance in business, sport, and life.
For entrepreneurs and managers, I provide the tools to set impactful goals, create actionable plans, and cultivate the confidence and motivation needed to succeed while maintaining a healthy work/life balance. I’ve even worked with large corporations like Microsoft, helping them build high-performance teams.
I train athletes to consistently perform at their best by developing unshakeable self-belief, laser-like focus, and unwavering determination. I help them manage anxiety, distractions, and self-doubt. My online course, “Going In The Zone For Sport,” makes these mental fitness skills accessible to athletes of all levels.
My “Going in the Zone” system is designed to help you overcome performance inconsistencies, manage nervousness and self-doubt, and consistently compete at your peak. Through simple yet powerful exercises, you’ll learn to set and achieve goals, control fear and uncertainty, develop winning habits, and build the mental resilience needed to push through challenges. Let me help you unlock your full potential and achieve the success you deserve.
